Dear Z (@zayn ) I'll be honest with you. I started writing this a week ago and I couldn't get past the first two words. Because every single time I think of you, I forget how to think. But can you blame me? I look at you and I want to say 'thank you' and I want to say 'you're so beautiful I could die right now' but I'm so overwhelmed with love and gratitude, all of which I never learned in a language. So instead I try to draw pictures of your hands. There's only so much that can be said with words anyway. I remember you at 18, sitting on those infamous stairs with the lads, saying 'vas happenin' with that playful grin on your face. I remember those goddamn high notes. I remember the conflicted 23 year old man who decided to listen to his heart. I remember bawling my eyes out on that day in March, 2015. But a part of me understood why you had to leave and that part of me was happy for you. Watching you now, creating the beautiful music you've always wanted to, it fills my heart with so much warmth. Because in the end, all that has ever mattered to me, is your happiness. I sometimes imagine what it would be like to meet you someday. Would you walk like a poem? What would I say, if anything at all? I think I'd like to thank you. For saving that fourteen year old so she could write this today. I'd thank you for holding my hand with your voice. For always making me alright. I'd thank you for your existence. I don't know if I'll ever get to meet you, though. Maybe someday, if the universe conspires. Until then, I'll watch your life in pictures, through a screen. And I'm content with that, as long as in those pictures, your smile reaches your eyes. Because you might not know this, but you're so precious, you deserve the world. Happy 26th Birthday, Z. P.S. you're still on my phone's lockscreen. . ~Just another girl who's desperately in love with all that you are. Shiza Khan (@her_pseudonym ) #happybirthdayzayn #terriblytinytales #ttt #microfiction #wordporn #words #wordgasm #writer #author #poet #poem #writing #amwriting #writersofinstagram #writersofig #poetsofinstagram #writerscommunity #writingcommunity #storytelling #stories #story