@kellyamaturoeating -

Hi I am Kelly, I'm super annoying! I love dogs, Taco my cat, video games, and eating. Duh!
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Summer is a rough time for most people with a Kelly. Most people’s kids are out at their local playground, skate park, playing with sidewalk chalk, and going to the local pool with friends. But if you have a Kelly, then you know everything is quite the opposite!

Kelly’s tend to stay in doors due to their pale pasty skin. They tend to stay in bed until the sun is almost down and then decide to get up and communicate with things such as, “burrito?” or “movie?” Maybe your Kelly will even try to sneak this run on sentence past you when she awakens from her slumber, “did you feed the dogs and cat and let them out to go to the bathroom and pick me up breakfast yet, oh hey did you notice there is new movies at Redbox don’t forget to pick up 7 movies while you are out oh and get pickles, oh and Cheetos, oh and sour beer omg I just thought of something get Chipotle too cause I am gonna want that for lunch and also hurry cause I am dying, k thanks!” .
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10 Kelly Summer Fast Facts

1. They cannot go outdoors in the Summer for more than 30 seconds.
2. They tend to eat twice as much in the Summer as they get ready to hibernate in the Fall and Winter.
3. Ensure your pantry is well stocked.
4. Make sure all of your food contains gluten.
5. The average Kelly intakes 1,000,000 grams of sugar a day.
6. Keep your hands away while feeding your Kelly, use a stick.
7. Stick to the 5 major Kelly Food Groups. Cheetos, Pickles, Snacks, Burritos, & Chips.
8. When in doubt, remember the 5 C’s! Chips, Chipotle, Candy, Cheetos, Cereal.
9. Double ply toilet paper is important for Kelly mud butt.
10. Always keep Drano and Aerosol air fresheners on hand. Never know when a clog will happen.

#summer #kelly #hungry #hangry #kids #pawpatrol #chips #cheetos #doritos #funyuns #cheeseballs #cereal #barbie #peanutbutter #goldfish #oreo #koolaid #bombpop #kidcuisine #luckycharms #cinnamontoastcrunch #cheerios #goldengrahams #cocoapuffs #trix #chefboyardee #muffins #chipotle #glutenfree #snacks
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Summer is a rough time for most people with a Kelly. Most people’s kids are out at their local playground, skate park, playing with sidewalk chalk, and going to the local pool with friends. But if you have a Kelly, then you know everything is quite t

Gilbert, Arizona
Went to see Rusty, my OBGYN! My taco is in great shape! My taco is v spicy! Rusty says, “the more you can stuff in your taco the better!”
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 #tacos #obgyn #margarita #sunday #sundayfunday #got #gameofthrones #mexico #mexicanfood #salsa #spicy #boobs #lime #titsout #tattoo @rustytacogilbert #pacifico #butdidyoudie
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Went to see Rusty, my OBGYN! My taco is in great shape! My taco is v spicy! Rusty says, “the more you can stuff in your taco the better!” . . #tacos #obgyn #margarita #sunday #sundayfunday #got #gameofthrones #mexico #mexicanfood #salsa #spicy #boob

Rusty Taco
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Here you can see Kelly realizing she got corn tortillas with her tacos and not flour tortillas, after she ate them. Here you can see Kelly yelling at the manager for the menu being correct.
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#tacos #easter #sunday #drunk #angry #hangry #hungry #dosequis #tortilla #steak #kelly #menu #foodporn #eggs #vodka #redbull #tattoo #jesus
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Here you can see Kelly realizing she got corn tortillas with her tacos and not flour tortillas, after she ate them. Here you can see Kelly yelling at the manager for the menu being correct. . . #tacos #easter #sunday #drunk #angry #hangry #hungry #do

Dos Gringos Mesa
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Oh Burrito, how thine tortilla shell is warm and softly wrapped around the ingredients I desire.

How your lettuce intrigues me.

Your cheese, shredded to the point of perfection.

Your steak, perfectly cooked to make even the gods weep.

Your sauce, so spicy even the devil begs for water.

Beans combined with bacon, da Vinci throws his hat at the ground with jealousy.

My hunger cowers with fear for it is about to be slain by a worthy opponent.

Your delicious taste uplifts me for now you are mine.

Oh Burrito, how I could compare thee to a summers day.

But I would rather eat thee instead.

#wtf #burrito #poem #kelly #breakfast #brunch #sunday #jesus #rundmc #coffee #hot #salsa #cholula #tapatio @thecoffeeshopaz @cholulahotsauce #mexicanfood #tea #eggs #bacon #cheese #davinci #devil #steak #beans #lettuce #spicy #hungry #hangover #arizona #sundayfunday
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Oh Burrito, how thine tortilla shell is warm and softly wrapped around the ingredients I desire. How your lettuce intrigues me. Your cheese, shredded to the point of perfection. Your steak, perfectly cooked to make even the gods weep. Your sauce,

The Coffee Shop at Agritopia
Here’s to you and here’s to me. Here’s to friends we shall ever be. But if by chance we disagree then fuck you and here’s to me!

#cheers #elbowsgilbert @elbowsmacncheese #macandcheese #cheese #dinner #friday #hungry #kelly #pasta #pregnant #sisters #friends #poem #arizona #besties #twinzies #sparkle #glitter #sunshine #rainbow #unicorns #candy #pink #bedazzled #live #laugh #love #livingmybestlife #smile #sisterblister
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Here’s to you and here’s to me. Here’s to friends we shall ever be. But if by chance we disagree then fuck you and here’s to me! #cheers #elbowsgilbert @elbowsmacncheese #macandcheese #cheese #dinner #friday #hungry #kelly #pasta #pregnant #sisters

Elbows Mac N' Cheese
Kelly: Ugh! These old board games just don’t cut it anymore, there’s got to be something better!

Commercial Guy: Now there is with Cheese Stick Jenga. Never go hungry or bored again with Cheese Stick Jenga, it’s only 6 easy payments of $59.99!

Kelly: Wow! I’m not bored or hungry anymore!

Commercial Guy: And if you order right now we will send you a bed side version of Cheese Stick Jenga so you never have to get out of bed, turn off Netflix, or go down stairs ever again!

Kelly: Now that’s a deal!

Commercial Guy: And during this special offer you’ll also get our special Slim Jim Jenga, Hot Dog Jenga, Burrito Jenga, and a cute traveling case so you can take your Jenga to the bathroom when you gotta shit your pants!

Kelly: This is amazing!

Commercial Guy: We’re not done yet! You’ll also get sweat pants, a diaper, a shower caddy, and one of those weird Halloween stick arm grabby things so you don’t ever have to get up!

Kelly: Muuuurrrrkkkkkkkkkkk buy me this!

#billymays #asseenontv #jenga #cheese #kelly #gamergirl #gamenight #memes #boardgames #why #food #commercial #broke #netflix #burrito #hungry #hasbro #games #hotdog #sweatpants #shityourpants #monday #butwaittheresmore #sales #infomercial #miltonbradley #gamesworkshop #tabletopgames #april #aprilfools
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Kelly: Ugh! These old board games just don’t cut it anymore, there’s got to be something better! Commercial Guy: Now there is with Cheese Stick Jenga. Never go hungry or bored again with Cheese Stick Jenga, it’s only 6 easy payments of $59.99! Kell

As Seen On TV
It never fails, I always get stopped by TSA. They always have to touch, pet, pat, and frisk my burrito. They never want to put some hot sauce on my burrito baby! I really need to renew my PreCheck!
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#vacation #tsa #metoo #viagra #flaccid #burrito #memes #kelly #flying #friday #foodporn #food #funny #bored #emotionalsupportanimal #mexico #mexicanfood @johnnywitherspoon #flying #carryon #mexican #tortilla #shityourpants #dog
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It never fails, I always get stopped by TSA. They always have to touch, pet, pat, and frisk my burrito. They never want to put some hot sauce on my burrito baby! I really need to renew my PreCheck! . . . #vacation #tsa #metoo #viagra #flaccid #burrit

Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport
Wanted dat phat ass Wendys 4 for 4 doe. But the pull up went hard in da drive-thru. Had to have me some of dat, somesome ya dig? Got me dat 5 Biggie Bag, I said Gimmie Dat Bag, bishhhhhhhh! Dayummmm dis Cheese is good. Tag your Cheese Check Daddy! @caitlynjenner
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#CheeseCheckDzaddy #cheese @wendys #daddy #moneyaintathang #biggysmalls #cheese #hamburger #fries #chicken #sugarcookies #dinner #ketchup #payday #rap #hoodrat #ebonics
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Wanted dat phat ass Wendys 4 for 4 doe. But the pull up went hard in da drive-thru. Had to have me some of dat, somesome ya dig? Got me dat 5 Biggie Bag, I said Gimmie Dat Bag, bishhhhhhhh! Dayummmm dis Cheese is good. Tag your Cheese Check Daddy! @c

Wendy's